SHE

...Lately I've been hard to reach, I've been too long on my own

Everybody has a private world, Where they can be alone...

~Beautiful by Eminem~

Just exactly how She chose to be since the past few months. Decided to be on her own - without depending on any friends. It's not that She's dependent on them in any way-NO! SHE WAS NOT.

She realized that even with so many people around her, She felt so much alone. Even when She was out with people, She doesn't feel the company around her. She only felt the loneliness of being in a world of her own.

Hence, She self-deprive herself from everyone.The people whom She had known for ages, they became her acquaintance- heck, even strangers. She barely talks to anyone but herself and her family members. It doesn't bring her anywhere but to a self satisfaction that She don't have to have any hope and expectation towards people in any way. She saved herself from disappointment in many ways.

When She was in trouble, She know She can count on NOBODY but HER OWN SELF. She work her own way to get out of the trouble She gets in. She learn from the mistakes She did. She has more strength than She thought She had. She boost her self confidence by trying the new things she had always wanted to try.

Somehow, the loneliness still crept into her at times. Someone once told her that if She continues being the way She is, She will turn out to be a bitter old woman. There's no need reminders. She knew that all along. But She couldn't care less. She only thought - She'd rather be all alone anywhere on her own than to be surrounded by people and feel all alone deep inside her. Of course, what's the big difference? It may end up to the same thing but the impact on oneself differs in many ways.

She's so used to being lonely that it's the only thing that She can rely on nowadays. And all you thought was,"She's just trying to run away from her own problem." But looks like She's doing well so far. She knows She'll get there. And She'll see you when YOU get there.

And I,

Just Because

I came across a few interesting graphics while surfing the net. Such a coincidence it suits the presence well that I've been getting feedback about myself from others. I'm not in any way trying to prove myself for any reasons but I feel that I have to clarify some things. I guess, sometimes even the closest person to you doesn't know you at all, which is the reason why I say "I know myself the BEST!!"

• Just because I always talk against the male species, doesn't mean I hate them. It's their certain attitudes that piss the shit outta me.
• Just because I'm physically small, that doesn't make me a kid!
  
• Just because I'm not excited for all the good things that's happening to you, doesn't mean I'm not happy for you. I just can't fake myself to be all happy and excited when I'm having a bad day. That's just NOT ME.
• Just because I'm being pessimistic about every good thing you tell me, doesn't mean I want things to go bad for you. I'm just being PRACTICAL.
• Just because I keep quiet for every single thing you say, doesn't mean I lose to you in any way. I just feel it's not worth arguing with an asshole like you.
• Even if you're my closest friend, I may treat you different than my other friends. The truth is, I treat every single friend of mine DIFFERENTLY.
• The more you create drama and expect me to ask questions, the more I'll ignore you. So, stop seeking for attention/sympathy because you ain't getting any from me.
  

Memories Of YOU

It has been a year since I graduated. Time flies. It has been a long time since I saw my university friends and my other friends as well. Things changed eventually. Everyone got busy - I got busy. Work is killing each and everyone of us, and so is studies. Some of my friends pursued their studies in Masters and so on. Well, I got enough of studying and got myself a job and working my ass through it. =) =) Even in the busyness of life, I always thought and remember the times I had during school and university and even now. Those were the days! Those souls I got to know, are wonderful souls that have touched me profoundly than anyone ever could. I may have not kept in touch or tell you guys about how grateful I felt to have you in my life, so this goes out to :

Pavitra : My BFF! Opposites attracts - We are the proof!! Love you for all the good and bad times we had and the times that we're going to have in time to come. =)*

Bb : You're the funniest ever! You always have the HAPPY spirit and never failed to make me laugh, or at least, SMILE. =) Love you and remember, keep that HAPPY spirit if you want more certs from me!! Muakz!! =)*

Dumz : You're a Dummy but hey, I love you for being that. For the times I needed someone to talk to, for the times we spent, thank you!! You'll always be my Dummy Mummy! =)*

Krisha : For always being yourself, I love you! =)*

LiongCL : You'll always be the VERY BEST MALE FRIEND I've ever known!!! For the things you say and do, I truly cherish the moments. The tissue you handed me during class - I will never ever forget that!! Sweet! P/s : Will you marry me?? *shy*

Rat : Farqer! For being an understanding freak of nature, for being the reactionless, ignorant person to screw me when I did something wrong, I love you. It's a gift to know you and I cherish all the days we have spent. Love you =)*

Dinz : Thank you so much for always reminding the good side of me. Sorry for being an ass towards you, but that's just me, and you know it well! No matter how ignorant I am towards you, please remember : I just want you to be HAPPY, you're always close to my heart and you'll always be my buddy!! Love u! =)*

Val : You have thought me so many things about life. It's a never ending journey that teaches us day by day, second after second. You inspire me on being strong and determined. Love you so much! =)*

Maal my Darling : *Pat*Pat* My matchmaker =) Darling Maal, you always remind me that everyone has a child in them, only to be discovered by their own selves. You make my day, always!! Thank you for those happy moments after Hameed Pata. I felt happy after a very long time! =)* Love you!

Brainy aka Joe : We're so gonna take over the world!! For being bothered about what happens to me, thank you. For making me feel important, thank you. We are born sarcastic and we shall remain so to take over the world!! Our conversations has always been a sarcastically happy ones. Thank you for being such a great soul!! Looking forward to see you this weekend =)*

Kannan - Thank you for being a nice person. Thank you for being bothered about me even when I don't seem to be bothered about the world. Thanks for comforting me when I was in pain(I bet you called me at the wrong time). But I truly appreciate it. =)

Rani : It's a pleasure to know you. For all the things I have learnt from you, thank you. For all the fun times we had in SMC, will never ever forget it. Truly cherish those moments! Love you! =)*

If I had missed anyone in particular, I'm sorry. I would love to thank all of YOU for the memories, the time we spent and the moments we shared. You're always close to my heart. By the end of the day,

~~Everything just comes down to the Memories of YOU~~

Home Sweet Home

I was admitted for the past 3 days due to ear infection. Had some massive painful days with the blood taking attempts (Being pricked 4 times, and fixed with IV and being bleeded through it is not a nice experience at all )

My hand got swollen the following day and injection through it was massive HELL OF A PAIN. I admit, I cried my ass off to sleep (Thank God everyone was gone home by then). My hands are still swollen till now and I'm happily typing to glory. LoLz!

There's no place like home!! I realise this before I got myself admitted but I still feel I have to remind so many people about this whole truth! Many reasons :

1. At home, I'm able to take my daily "annual bath" in peace (though mum bangs on the door sometimes) regardless how long I take. In hospital, it's either the nurse is banging on the door, someone is there to visit me or my neighbour bed patient is banging on the door to use the washroom. *sigh*
   
2. At home, there's no one to wake my ass up in the wee hours to check on my blood pressure and temperature and inject antibiotics and torture me with my horribly swollen hand.
   
3. At home, I don't have to flip the TV1,TV2,TV3,NTV7,Tv8,ESPN(Heck, I barely watch these channels),Discovery,Vaanavil, Cartoon Network again and again, looking for what's worth watching.
   
4. At home,I don't have to get up 7am just to let the nurses change the bedsheets.
5. At home, I don't have to explain my condition to each and everybody again and again like how I explain to the attendants and cleaners whom ask me.
6. At home, I don't have to worry about both my darling phones dying off, as I can charge them anytime I want and let them ring happily instead of the STFU mode.
7. I don't have to limit my movements(due to the swollen hand and severe pain) and just lay on the bed, eating every 2-3 hours. Hospital food was AWESOME. Honestly, I liked all the food served. *Thumbs up*
8. Not seeing/driving Eva makes me go restless and insecure!! I felt I got my life back the moment I got home and set my eyes on Eva. =) =) *Awwwww*
   

The whole hospital stay was not a bad experience, though I faced with so much of pain. The nurses were awesome. They were so friendly and considerate, massaging my hands everytime they were giving me injections, asking my progress though they've already have the progress report by the doctor. Such sweeties!! I really felt like I was home, but for some issues mentioned above =) =)

I'm glad I'm home. That's for sure!! The next 1 week will determine wether I'll be going back for admission or not. =(
*Keeping my fingers crossed*

These are for the 7B ward nurses : Thank you ladies!! For making me feel at home!! =)


glitter-graphics.com

Till It's Gone

Been attending funerals every now and then since last month. Everyone's dying. That's pretty (VERY) scary!! Leela's dad passed away on 29th May. My neighbour passed away 2 weeks ago. A relative of mine passed away last week. A family friend passed away today. As the saying goes, "You won't know what you had till it's gone", I truly believe people came up with such thing because of the reality of it. It reflects how much we take people or things for granted, not appreciating and totally ignoring their presence.

I felt so shattered by the passing of Leela's dad. It was so sudden and totally unexpected. I bet that's what death is all about. It was very devastating for me to picture myself in Leela's position. I felt the fear of losing the ones that I love. It scares me more when my Mum goes "We're getting old" and Dad replies,"Don't worry about getting old. Think about how long we'll be alive" =(

When MJ died, people started to say good things about him. How a legend he is and all that. When he was alive, he was accused on so many issues and talked bad about. A lot of people loathe him. I'm not denying the fact that he was a troubled man but, such clear hypocrisy can be seen. You talk bad about a person one moment and the next moment, you turn into all angel. We never tend to appreciate everyone around us. We take them for granted until they're gone and then we realise it's been too late.

I'm not saying we have to fake ourselves and be all too nice towards people. I'm just asking why is it only when a person is dead, we tend to realise their contributions and values in our lives. Is it because the person is no more to contribute anything? Or is it because you really feel that the person has impacted your life in many ways and it was just too late for you to realise it??

We make fun of people's death just because we don't know them in person. Once it involves our family members or anyone we knew personally, it becomes a serious issue. How ignorant can we be?? The dead person can be someone's mom, dad or even a friend. A close friend of mine laughed at the passing of her very own uncle, just because she wasn't really attached to him. In fact, she even made fun of the way he died and I remember screwing her up for being so mean. When her very own dad died, it was a total different emotion. She was very upset and all(Of course, it was her father who died) but why would you make fun of someone's death?? This, is a very simple example of how people take death of others for fun until it hits them rite back!

Too many things to think about. Why regret not appreciating a person so close to your heart when he/she is still alive?? Treat them well now itself. At least try your level best to treat them right. Appreciate. Confess your love. Tell them how much you respect/adore them. At the end of the day,it's the thought that counts...

How Rude Are You?

How many of us actually think we are rude?? Most of us (80%), according to a survey, claim that we are not rude at all. But, do you know that 90% of people are actually rude?? Maybe we just don't realise that we are being rude at that point of time. There are two type of rudeness :

a)Focused - where we are being rude on purpose
b)Unfocused - where we don't realise we are being rude, which is not on purpose.

Many of our daily acts are considered rude. It may not seem to be rude for us but it is for some people. I do admit that I'm extremely rude at times but somehow I find these acts rude.

1. Burping on people's face without even saying "Excuse Me"
2. Clipping finger nails in public (Eewww Disgusting!!)
   
3. Whistle to call a waiter/waitress
4. Smoking in public even when you know the person next to you is suffocating
   
5. Cutting lanes in traffic without giving a signal (.l.)
   
6. To talk in a language that the third person could not understand in a conversation - I get the point that you don't want the third person to know what you're talking about, but heck, it's simply RUDE!!
   
7. To let your kids run around a restaurant and scream their lungs off (It's not only rude, but it's farqing annoying)
8. Stealing a parking lot when you know there's another person waiting to park on that lot
9. Taking your own sweet time to get your car out of parking lot when you know there's another car waiting to park on that lot
   
10. Cutting queues - Just wait for your damn turn will you??
    
11. Using the handphone to chat/sms when you're having a serious conversation, face to face with someone
    
12. Talking on the phone while you're on the cashier counter, without bothering the cashier and the others waiting in line
13. Walking while people are sweeping or mopping the floor(All I feel like doing is hitting you with the broom/mop stick)
    
14. Standing in the midway while two person is having a conversation
15. When you want a person to do something for you, NEVER raise up your voice.

There might be more. Just cant seem to think much. A short post after a long time. Inspired by Oprah Winfrey Show.

This Is For You

Graduates

Congratulations dearest Thylage for your graduation on 20th April 2009. Finally, it's all done!!
Today's post is going to be all about Thylage.

I've known Thylage all my life. We grew up together. The very 1st time I saw her, she was wearing a farqing ugly PINK sweater. I was practically about 5 years of age. We had a great childhood which we think that none of our younger siblings or other cousins will ever have. We spent most of our time playing Barbie, Masak-masak, Acilot Duduk, Acilot Sembunyi, Bola Cabak, Guli and too many other games. Our evenings were always spent with Granpa, where we would comb his partially bald head and then walk hand-in-hand with Araz(My Bro) to Ah Choo Aunty's shop to get our ice - creams, Umbrella - shaped Chocolate and Mamee. Though my dad didn't like us eating those junks, we always manage to get it somehow because Granpa said "They're kids still, let them be happy" =) =)

When we started schooling, Thylage moved out. We didnt really spent much time together but once the school holidays starts, you can already see her at my place on the very same day the school ended. =P So, our school holidays were spent as usual, playing, playing, playing and playing. And we never missed a day without going to the beach. The beach was our hang out spot. We made fun of all the rubbish we found at the beach, had fun poking the dead jellyfish and creating "tanah runtuh"(landslides). And we still do wish we could live our childhood again and again as we had so much fun.

As we grow, we taught each other. We learn things together. We went shopping together. We always had the very same thing. There's nothing that I have, that Thylage doesn't have. and there's nothing that Thylage has that I don't. We wore the same bloody clothes everywhere we went. People even questioned whether we were twins. It was all fun. And we do practice the same thing up to now. Whenever I buy any clothes, I make sure I'll get 2 of it. One for me and the other for her.

It wasn't all happiness though. As we grew, she became an irritating ass for me. Don't ask why. It just turned out to be like that. Somehow, I grew out of it. And we clicked again, after we started using the Internet. We chat everyday and things are like how it used to be back then. We talk and share about every single thing we think about. The best part, we think alike too. When we're going out, we end up wearing the same thing,without planning. And once, a psycho manager from TGIF asked, "Did you both planned to wear the same thing??" *LoLz*

Thylage is an outspoken introvert. She listens most of the time. She rarely gives comments unless you ask her to. She helped and guided me through my depression period. She's always been there. We did have our arguments, ups and downs but we somehow manage to solve it by our own. She was once a person I hate to the max but now, She's someone I prioritize the most in my life. She's the best of all!! Irreplaceble!

Congratulations again, Thylage!! I'm very proud of you!! For all the moments we shared,laughed and cried about, and for the upcoming days, *CHEERS*

Love you Loads! Muakz!



Thylage & Me At Teluk Bahang Dam


Thylage & Me In Saree


Thylage & Me In Butterfly Farm